good morning, vietnam!

after months of
saving
and procrastinating
and anticipating
and deliberating..



of preparation
and contemplation
and hesitation...



it's now superofficial.



i'm going to vietnam.

to teach english, the language i love
and have studied
and picked apart
and put together
and inspected
and rejoiced in
since i can remember.

to share that language
in a beautiful country
so similar to the one i grew up in, but still
so different.




a country that has been piecing together it's identity
for the past 32 years,
that now
more than ever
is finally on the edge of a breakthrough.





and i will be one
who can dig her heels into it
to sleep deep in it
to be lonely
and remorseful
and joyful
and peaceful
and new
in it.



because of the way i grew up
essentially,
with one foot perpetually
out the proverbial door,
exploring new land has always been
an obsession of mine.



and here, new land
which hopefully will bring with it
new work
new poems
new essays
new dreams
and a new,
and much needed,
assesment of what my purpose is,
what my talents are,
and what, exactly, i was put on earth
to give.



because that's what it's all about, isn't it?

but i can not forget all the things i lose
and as the days until my departure
dwindle down,
these things will become more immediate
more prominent
and more indispensable.


for a year i will be without
my mom's cooking,
my father's humor,
my boyfriend's hands,
my brother's vivacity.
12 months when i will not be able to
understand street signs, or
read the local newspaper,
trudge through snow or
drive my own car.



the absence of these things
will be heavy
and, undoubtedly,
i will doubt
whether i'm strong enough
to carry them.

but i must.
because i said so.


because i have said yes to this path,
after identifying it,
and after realizing that,
at the end of this journey,
i will have found something
truly
invaluable.

though what, exactly
i have yet
to find out.