11 things i love/hate/love about you

a [really] belated birthday present for the next big 30 year old rapper and my somewhat-best-friend,

Stone Cold Haji Paji Brown Kid "who's that guy with the hula hoop on stage?" Greyson.

***

11 Things I Love/Hate/Love About You:

1. love: you're a dirtbag (is the proper nomenclature "durrrtbag" now that you're signed??) with a heart of gold. i'm actually nothing like you, but i keep up the facade so you don't feel so lonely in your grimeyness.

2. love: you're a nerd who can't generate enough saliva when he eats, so you have to drink 5 gallons of liquids to compensate. see exhibit A:

3. love/hate: you have a conscience, you really do (i SEEN it!!). and for the most part, when you solicit me for advice, you actually already know what you SHOULD do. but morality isn't what motivates you...it's being able to have a story to tell, no matter how many gyrating hippie busses you have to escape.

4. love/hate/love: "...on my balls."
'cus as much as i tell you i'm not a 12 year old boy, i really are, and that mess is always entertaining to the likes of us.

5. HATE: "[you're] making my penis soft."
WHO SAYS SH*T LIKE THAT???! REALLY!

6. love: black and green rollerblades for christmas.

7. LOVE: that i got to witness the revelation that you had bonafide white-man blood in you. not that there's anything wrong with that America, but you shoulda seen this brown boy's soul squirming... until you realized you could get away with all sorts of racism, at which point your dirty lil soul picked itself off, brushed off its shoulders, and got its little hooves back on the ign'ant train.

8. hate: you think you're better than everyone else. including me (asshole).

9. love/hate/love: you've made out with the entire wait staff of Wilmington, NC. Three years ago.

10. love/hate: in pure ODB fashion, your many alter egos (most of which i will claim some sort of responsibility for), including but not limited to: stone cold p, the camera man, the chicken guy, lucifer, hey stoop kid (i've never heard you being called that, but i'm sure someone has), bla bla bla bla bla ...

11. love?: thundercats. HOOO!

ugh. so there really are more things i love than hate about you afterall. welp, after all we've been through, turns out you're a pretty decent best friend afterall.

for me to poop on.